If you’re a city dweller, living in the suburbs can either seem like a dream or a nightmare. If you’ve never made the move, you should know it’s a little of both — and not in ways you expect. Here are some pros and cons of living in suburbia.
Warning: You may not like what you hear.
1. Your Lawn Will Ruin Your Weekends
Before you move to the suburbs, you may imagine what you’ll do with a big back or front yard. Maybe you imagine sitting on the patio, drinking margaritas while enjoying the view. Maybe you dream of sitting around a fire pit, roasting marshmallows. The reality is you’re taking care of that yard, which requires more maintenance than anything else you own.
If you’re not mowing the lawn or trimming bushes, you’re at Home Depot or a nearby nursery, trying to figure out what plant will be a good ground cover that doesn’t strangle your other plants. You’ll probably never have time to even buy those marshmallows, much less roast them.
2. You’ll Never Be Motivated to Get Rid of Clutter
If you live in a small apartment, you may be doing battle with clutter on a daily basis. But if you move to a house in the suburbs, you will likely have the option of stuffing old clothes, knick knacks, and seasonal decorations in an extra closet or bedroom. Before you know it, you have stuff stacked to the rafters. If this sounds like a dream come true, you might be a hoarder.
3. You Will Definitely Know Your Neighbors
Depending on the city, you may not know the other occupants of your building (beyond The Guy Who Stomps Around His Apartment at 3 a.m.). It’s more likely you’ll know your next door neighbors if you move to the suburbs. This can be either good or bad.
It’s a good thing if someone is making sure no one breaks into your house while you are on vacation. It’s not as good if you have a neighbor who watches your every move and spreads gossip to other people you know on the street.
4. Chain Restaurants Are the Norm
If you’re living in a city, there’s a good chance you’re surrounded by neighborhood restaurants that you can’t find anywhere else. In the suburbs, you are likely inundated with eateries you can find everywhere else. That usually means meh food that has a broad appeal, while someplace smaller may be more nimble in changing the menu or decor to try a new trend.
5. You’ll Drive Everywhere
Used to taking mass transit? Love the subway? Get used to driving (and paying for car insurance and gasoline in addition to the car). Taking the bus or train is an arduous feat in the suburbs if it’s even an option, and getting anywhere is tricky. Worse, no one walks in the suburbs, so doing it can be dangerous (no one is checking before they drive through a crosswalk).
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6. Suburbs Are Less Expensive
This varies from city to city and suburb to suburb, but usually you can get a little more for your money once you leave the bustling city behind. That isn’t to say everything is cheaper, though (see car expenses, for starters).
7. Commuting Is a Drag
If you’re stuck changing many trains in the city, a commute from the suburbs may not seem so onerous. But remember — we’re talking driving yourself (or joining a carpool, which has pros and cons of its own). You can’t zone out to a podcast or take a nap (which isn’t usually a great idea anyway). You have to pay attention to the traffic around you, switch lanes, and try not to road rage at the person who cuts you off. It isn’t always easy or stress-free.
8. You Don’t Have to Walk Your Dog
Maybe you’re a lazy pet owner. No judgment. But imagine if you could just open the back door whenever Fido needs to pee. Your dog still probably needs exercise, so you shouldn’t exclusively rely on the backyard (and you will need to pick up the poop at some point). Still, it takes off some pressure when you’ve had a long day or even just a terrible commute.
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9. You Have Garbage Day Traffic
This may not seem like a terrible hassle, but when garbage trucks are slowly going house to house along your block — and you probably have a recycling truck to deal with, too — it can be the difference between getting to work on time or being embarrassingly late. That’s to say nothing of the noise, which will also motivate your dog to bark, and which can start at an ungodly hour of the morning.
10. There Are Coyotes
Depending on where you live, you might have coyotes or racoons or even bears loping through your neighborhood. Its very cute unless these critters find your trash cans (and have the ability to open them) or worse, find your very small dog or cats, which they may be inclined to, um, eat.
When you’ve found a dead cat on your lawn (which you may need to deal with unless you’re willing to wait for the sanitation department to come out), you’re a true suburbanite. And yes, I’m a true suburbanite.
11. There Are Random Bags of Dog Poop Everywhere
While it’s nice that your neighbors pick up their dog’s poop, they apparently don’t want to carry it with them. Thus, you will find bags of poop in your front yard, your trash can, the sidewalk — basically, anywhere a dog and its owner has been. It’s not as bad as, say, Pizza Rat, but it’s not great, either.
12. There’s No Culture
Museums, especially good ones, tend to turn up in cities. Same goes for theaters and concert halls. You will have plenty of space in the suburbs, but you’ll have to drive a distance if you want to do pretty much anything.
13. All the Houses Look the Same
Depending on your suburb, many have been built by one developer and one architect. So it shouldn’t be a big surprise that everything looks the same. Even paint colors tend to be on a short list of options thanks to HOA rules. Some people love the sameness of everything, but not everyone else is a fan.
14. HOAs are Nightmares
Maybe the HOA for your neighborhood is fine, but if not? Board members have been caught embezzling, finding sneaky ways to take the property of other people, and worse. If you break the often draconian rules of the HOA, which can be as minor as having blinds and not curtains in your window or a playset that’s the wrong color, there can be substantial fines. Those can result in lawsuits and even losing your house.
15. You Will Know Delivery People By Name
Blame Amazon Prime, but only partly. Given that everything, including the grocery store and the mall, is a lengthy car ride away, delivery can become heavily leaned upon by suburbanites. You will be seeing that UPS guy every day and possibly several times a day, unless you’re expecting stuff from Amazon or FedEx.
16. Everyone Looks the Same
In the city, you’ll see old people, young people, and people of every race and ethnicity. You’ll see rich and poor. But in the suburbs? You’ll probably see people who look like you, full stop. There won’t be a lot of variety, and there won’t be a lot of opinions, either, as everyone likely thinks the same as well. If this sounds like a big yawn, you’re onto something.
17. Your Teenagers May Hate You
Maybe you moved to the suburbs thinking you were providing your children with a quiet, peaceful environment to grow up in. While they may hate you anywhere (it’s the teenage way), being stuck in the suburbs is especially egregious, as it’s usually deemed cookie cutter and boring — two serious crimes in the teenager playbook.
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