People have a ton of opinions about barbecue, and they’re not afraid to voice them. Southerners especially could argue about barbecue sauces, favorite pitmasters, and dry rubs all day long. So it’s no surprise that people may be silently judging you (or not so silently, if you ever saw my inbox after a new barbecue article publishes) on your go-to barbecue order. In the spirit of constructive criticism and good-natured ribbing, here’s what some people may be thinking when they see you eating your plate of barbecue. Related: Holy Smokes! Bucket-List Barbecue in Every State
Pulled Pork Sandwich and Slaw
You appreciate the simple things in life, but it’s hard to pull you out of your comfort zone. You prefer getting takeout and binging the latest Netflix hit rather than a spontaneous dinner date your partner planned. Putting your coleslaw on your pork sandwich is about as crazy as you get. Avoiding any and all risks is the game plan. Maybe live a little, eh? Related: 31 Daring Burger Toppings for Your Next Cookout
Ribs and Fries
You like getting your hands dirty, literally and figuratively. You might work with your hands often as a gardener or craftsperson, or you like to try and solve other people’s problems (whether you should or not). Either way, you prefer to make the mess, not clean it up.
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Sampler of Meats
You tell yourself that variety is the spice of life, which is why you always get the 3-meat sampler with different cuts every time. But in reality, you are just the most indecisive person ever.
Sides Only
We love some good mac and cheese, collards, and BBQ hash as much as the rest, but heading to a barbecue joint and only ordering sides is pure lunacy. Drama seems to follow you wherever you go, and your rebellious teenage phase never ended. You are chaos.
Sweet Tea and Banana Pudding
No matter what else you order, if you get a sweet tea and banana pudding (or caramel cake, or pecan pie), you’re ready to enjoy life to the fullest, blood sugar be damned. You’re happy-go-lucky and fun to be around. Everyone wants to be your friend, if only so they can live vicariously through you.
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Cornbread and Collard Greens
You’re an old soul. You love sopping up that potlikker with your cornbread almost as much as you enjoy being Johnny-on-the-spot when anyone needs help. You’ve got tang and spunk, but you respect old school traditions and family ties.
Sauce on Everything
You don’t tend to delve deeply into anything, and you don’t care if people judge you for it. Chances are you had Famous Dave’s cater your wedding, and recommend it to all your friends. You prefer your cornbread sweet and cake-like, and have the biggest condiment collection of anyone you know. Convincing you to get out of your sweats is difficult, but it can be done with the promise of your favorite KC-style barbecue sauce or one of those BBQ and mashed potato “sundaes” at a fair.
Brisket and Beans
You’re from Texas, or you wish you were. The chances of you being a true Texan increase exponentially if you order fatty brisket instead of lean. You know exactly what you like, and you don’t flub your order after waiting in line for an hour (you’re always early so the brisket doesn’t sell out). Calm, cool, and collected is your motto, which balances out your spicy barbecue sauce and beans.
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Chicken, Potato Salad, and Corn on the Cob
Summer, and all the picnics, cookouts, and parties that go along with it, are what you live for. You love simple, traditional, and familiar foods. You’ll try any kind of potato salad as long as it doesn’t have raisins in it. An ice cold Bud Light or fruit punch are what you’ll be drinking with your plate at a red checkered tablecloth-covered picnic table.
Beef Rib
You’re either living out your dream of being Fred Flintstone, or you’re overcompensating for something.
Related: Fantastic Regional Rib Recipes
