Ever been kicked out of a place for life? It’s kind of a cool thing to brag about — depending on the reason. There are tons who have, it turns out, and thanks to a recent Reddit forum, we’ve got a collection of the strangest stories from around the world.
Curious as to what kinds of things people have done to get banned from places for life? Here are 15 of the best ones.
Fit for a Cancellation
One user attempted to go around the famously awful Planet Fitness cancellation policy by telling their bank not to let the gym withdraw from their checking account. In exchange, they got hit with a notice informing them they were banned from signing up ever again.
All the Bacon And Eggs You Have
If you’re planning on eating all the bacon in the building before 9 a.m., you might find yourself banned from the local buffet. This place is more like a only-some-of-what-you-can-eat buffet.
Bittersqueak Symphony
If Target is the store you’re looking to get kicked out of, this one’s easy: Just set off every single squeak toy at once. Not sure how many arms you’ll need to pull that one off, but best of luck to you.
Grand Theft Canoe
Those canoes on Tom Sawyer Island at Disneyland may look fun for a joyride, but don’t even think about it. The park will ban you just like they banned this person.
Dominos
One person pulled a real-life Evie O’Connell and knocked down all the bookcases in their library like a bunch of dominos. A bummer to be banned from the library, but that’s a bucket list moment to witness.
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Ultimate Security
One person was escorted into the back of a pickup truck and banned from the amphitheater when they were discovered trying to sell a few extra tickets at a Pearl Jam show. Eddie Vedder would be so disappointed.
Stupid Letterman Tricks
Don’t even think about canceling your reservation to be part of the audience of a David Letterman taping (if you’ve got a time machine, that is). You might find yourself banned like this person.
Banned From the Slammer
One user got banned from their job at a prison for seeking therapy, which is terrible. Probably not a bad thing to be banned from prison, though. I wonder if that means if you get sent there for disciplinary reasons, you can just be like, “Actually no, I can’t go to jail. I’m banned.”
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You Rock Too Hard
“Played a very loud and rowdy punk show at a coffee shop,” writes one Redditor. Pop that one on your punk rock resume.
The LEGO Incident
At a holiday resort, one user “forgot” to make their kids clean up the LEGO bricks they were playing with. The manager then allegedly went off on a tirade that included accusations of killing a duck. We’re gonna need some additional facts to suss this one out, I think.
No Emails to Mom
Librarians are not to be crossed. If you want to talk about a place where rules are rules, the library is one of them. Therefore, our hero shouldn’t have used the research-only computer to email their mom about needing a ride home.
The real question is: Why are you emailing somebody about timely information?
Temporarily Banned
One person got banned for life from their local grocery store for shoplifting, but wouldn’t you know it? They ended up working there a year or two later.
No Alts Allowed
One Quora user in a similar situation found themselves banned from the A.I.-art generator Nightcafe when they made an alternate account as a backup. Not sure how much I buy this story as it stands, but I ain’t Judge Judy.
A Good Excuse Not to Go to Russia Right Now
Look, not many people are trying to go to Russia right now, but if you’re looking for an excuse to get yourself kicked out permanently, just leave your car there.
Badmouthing the Penguins
Remember Club Penguin? It was an adorable online world where kids could build colorful little penguins and share them with people. Hilarious to think some people were getting tossed for bad language.
