The internet is a treasure trove of bizarre products. Amazon alone is home to a never-ending stream of head-scratching items — and some of them you may even want. But there’s another, perhaps larger, group of products that leaves us asking a painfully obvious question: “Who would buy that?” Here are 25 of them.
CREEPY CAGE FACE THROW PILLOW
Price: $21.95 | Buy it on Amazon Just what everyone needs in their life: An indescribably creepy throw pillow featuring the fleshy face of movie star Nicolas Cage. Choose from three sizes, and fear not: He’ll leer at you from both sides.
HANDERPANTS
Price: $9.95 | Buy it at Archie McPhee Tighty whities aren’t just underwear anymore. Handerpants are fingerless gloves that look like men’s undies. Wear them under your gloves or “on their own as a vaguely inappropriate fashion statement.” Couldn’t have said it better ourselves.
RUNNY NOSE SHOWER DISPENSER
Price: $11.49 | Buy it on Amazon You, too, can be every grade-school boy’s hero by installing this giant runny-nose dispenser in their shower. Fill it with shower gel or shampoo and stick it to the wall with the suction cups. Then squeeze the nostril and, well, ewww.
SUPER BIG WRAPPED IN WARMTH HAPPY FURRY JEANS SLEEPING BAG
Price: $403 | Buy it at Japan Trend Shop Yes, that’s the actual name of the product. Yes, it’s a giant pair of jeans that can sleep two, complete with soft, furry fabric and built-in pillows. Yes, there are holes in the legs for your faces to peek out of. Yes, it costs nearly $500, plus another $75 for shipping.
INFLATABLE IRISH PUB
Price: $5,000 | Buy it at Hammacher Schlemmer Never mind that $5,000 could actually buy you a pretty nice trip to Ireland: It can also buy you a 75-square-foot inflatable pub to set a jovial mood for your next soiree. Sadly, you’ll have to pay extra for an air pump to inflate the behemoth — or have superhuman lungs.
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CUSTOM BEER OR SODA URN
Price: $69.95 | Buy it at In the Light Urns Whether your loved one was never without a Coke or a Natty Light, this beer- or soda-can urn gives them the send-off they deserve. Just be sure to keep it far, far away from the real beverages.
HUMAN PET HOUSE
Price: $136 | Buy it at Japan Trend Shop When your house or apartment starts feeling just a bit too big, it’s time to snuggle up in this oversized bubblegum-pink pet house “and enjoy the slow life at home.” Six times the size of an actual house for cats, it folds for storage if you need to hide it from your friends.
NUNC BIANCO SILVER
Price: $189 | Buy it at Nunc What’s a Nunc? A watch that doesn’t tell time. But don’t take our word for it. By wearing a Nunc, you have “a reminder to be present, to capture opportunities as they present themselves.” Check out some other truly bizarre luxury items here.
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FAKE BELLY WAIST PACK
Price: $11.98 | Buy it on Amazon No one ever claimed that a fanny pack was cool, but if you’d like to take your ironic fashion statement one step further, there’s this “dad bag” fake belly waist pack. Whether you want a belly covered with coarse, dark hair; tattoos; pale, fleshy flab; or chiseled abs, there’s an option for you.
HOLY TOAST BREAD STAMP
Price: $2.89 | Buy it at Perpetual Kid If you’ve felt an aching spiritual void permeating your breakfast, take note: The Virgin Mary is here to bless your bread. Just stamp it, pop it in your toaster, and rejoice in your newly holy morning meal.
BUNYANESQUE BACKPACK
Price: $49.95 | Buy it at Hammacher Schlemmer Turn heads on campus with this massive, blingy backpack, which has a whopping 6.5 cubic feet of space. What, pray tell, could you stuff in it? Just your entire wardrobe, an air mattress and bedding, or even a whole series of encyclopedias.
HORSEHEAD PILLOW
Price: $45 | Buy it at Kropserkel “Send someone a message they will never forget without the risk of facing prison time for it.” Indeed. But wait, here’s an offer you really can’t refuse: You can even order a “whole herd” of horse heads at wholesale prices.
PUKING UNICORN CELL PHONE CASE
Price: $17 | Buy it at Milky Way If you need any more proof than the Unicorn Frappuccino that the unicorn trend has gone too far, we submit this rainbow-barfing-unicorn phone case.
SHOCKED TRUMP SWIMSUIT
Price: $49.95 | Buy it at Beloved Want to make your beach bod great again? Here you go: a Trump bathing suit. If Trump’s not your thing, George W. Bush, Kim Jong Un, and Vladimir Putin are also available.
SENIOR WOMAN WITH ASTHMA WALL DECAL
Price: $27.15 | Buy it on Amazon Next time you have a blank wall just beckoning for some embellishment, consider this wall decal of a woman using her inhaler. If you’re more into oral health, consider “Senior Lady With Toothbrush.”
DOG POOP CATCHER
Price: $29.90 | Buy it at Keekir Want to make your dog a total outcast at the dog park? Clip this “innovative pooper scooper” onto their tail and watch their dignity die a slow (and smelly) death. (Also, the thought of cleaning the silicone teeth seems worse than simply picking up the poop normally.)
YODELING PICKLE
Price: $9.75 | Buy it at Archie McPhee If gag gifts are supposed to cause complete and utter befuddlement, the Yodeling Pickle has succeeded. It will put all of your non-yodeling pickles to shame, with “no briney odor” to boot.
EBOLA CROSS-STITCH
Price: $20 | Buy it at Etsy There’s nothing more charming to hang on your wall than a cross-stitch in its hoop … unless, of course, the design depicts the Ebola virus in all its glory. If Ebola’s not your favorite pathogen, there’s also herpes, Mad Cow, the common cold, and so much more.
THE NO PHONE
Price: $12 | Buy it at NoPhone Irked by a friend or family member’s slavish devotion to their phone? The makers of No Phone, essentially a pet rock for modern times, hope you’re so irked that you’ll pay $12 “to always have a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment.”
DIARRHEA SHIRT
Price: $17.95 | Buy it at Amazon When you’re antisocial, but you still need to go to the grocery, a shirt that says “Ask Me About My Explosive Diarrhea” is a pretty good way to ensure people keep their distance.
PANWAFFLE
Price: $39.95 | Buy it at Amazon There’s nothing at all inappropriate about this onesie. Just a cute saying, and a picture of a weed to illustrate it. Nope, nothing to see here.
GROWING LIKE A WEED ONESIE
Price: $19.95 | Buy it at Amazon There’s nothing at all inappropriate about this onesie. Just a cute saying, and a picture of a weed to illustrate it. Nope, nothing to see here.
THE PEPPERPHILE’S PEPPERMILL
Price: $189.95 | Buy it at Hammacher Schlemmer Do you really like pepper? Or would you appreciate a tabletop accoutrement that can double as a weapon in case of a home invasion? Either way, this 3-foot hardwood peppermill is for you.
LEWIS N. CLARK URBAN GEAR SPORK
Price: $4.95 | Buy it at Amazon If you’re a spork lover who feels like your favorite utensil gets no respect, it’s time to upgrade to this rugged stainless-steel model. It includes a quick-release clip, a bottle opener, and a serrated knife-edge. Clearly, this is a spork that means business.
CRAFTING WITH CAT HAIR: CUTE HANDICRAFTS TO MAKE WITH YOUR CAT
Price: $15.89 | Buy it at Firebox Don’t misunderstand: This is more than a bonding experience. You’re actually making these crafts with a fresh crop of your feline’s fur. Pro tip: Your cat will shed more in the summer, leaving you with more raw materials.
