24 Weirdest Things We Found at the Dollar Store

Don’t get us wrong: We’re huge fans of the dollar store, and we’ve written plenty about the best kinds of goodies you can get there on the cheap. But that doesn’t mean everything is a great buy — and as anyone who has frequently browsed dollar-store aisles can tell you, some stuff is just plain odd. Here are 24 iffy items that we won’t be tossing in our cart anytime soon.

Holographic Duct Tape

When your home improvement projects just need a little more glitz and glam, here’s the holographic duct tape that literally no one asked for.

Remote-Controlled Poop

The self-proclaimed “No. 2 toy in the world” will do 360-degree spins and has an audio system “for dispensing realistic fart sounds.”

‘Lifelike’ Long-Stem Roses

There’s a reason real roses are so expensive. You’re not fooling anyone, fellas.

‘Livin Lusch’ Wine Stopper

We enjoy the odd bottle of vino just like the next oenophile, but we also enjoy a good spell-checker. Maybe the designer was already drunk?

Chimpanzee Gift Bag

Because nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a primate that’s picking its nose.

Motivational Facial Tissues

“Believe in yourself,” coos your packet of Kleenex. “Summon your strength! Seize this moment!” It’s the best, and possibly only, nose-blowing pep talk we’ve ever gotten.

Boys’ and Girls’ Fairy Tales

We were unaware kids need a specific set of private parts to enjoy certain fairy tales. Girls, sadly, will be deprived of classics like “The Gingerbread Man” and “Aladdin,” while “Little Red Riding Hood” and “The Ugly Duckling” are off limits for boys.

‘The Hottie & The Nottie’

It’s just a dollar, but even that may be too steep a price for a “crass, predictable, and ineptly staged gross-out comedy” that gets a whopping 5% on Rotten Tomatoes.

$1 Hair Color

File this under “Things That Just Shouldn’t Cost $1.” We’re not saying you need to go crazy at a fancy salon, but proceed at your own risk.

Princess Hair Extensions

For when a princess dress just isn’t enough. “Honey, we scalped a princess. Have fun!”

Pillsbury Candles

The only yummy things we want to smell from Pillsbury better be edible, or there will be hell to pay.

Knock-Off Lego Mini Figures

If you ask us, Legos are one of those rare toys that are absolutely worth the splurge. But if you must buy the knock-offs, at least these “Big City” figures bear a strong resemblance to the Village People.

Emoji Soap

When was the last time washing your hands made you laugh so hard, you cried? Germ warfare: It’s hysterical!

Growing Octopus

If this thing really grows to 600 percent of its original size, we’re pretty sure it will take over our living room.

‘Reel Deal Slots’ Computer Game

The good news: You’re only gambling $1 if you buy this game. The bad news: It’s so old, you need Windows XP to run it.

Giant Eraser

Roughly the size of two decks of cards, this eraser will make quick work of even your biggest mistakes. Oops, indeed.

Inflatable Back Rest Pillow

How … comfy?

‘Scooby Doo’ Dog Clean-up Bags

Ruh roh! If your beloved pooch has had one too many Scooby Snacks, you’ll need plenty of these to deal with the aftermath.

Fart & Burp Machine

Listen up, grandparents: Get this for our kids, and we’ll hunt you down.

At-Home Drug Test

If future employment or some other important life decisions hinge on the outcome of a drug test, it might be worth more of an investment than a buck.

Rubber Unicorn Poop

“Step in some good luck!” Actually, we’ll pass.

Wire Combination Lock

Here’s another thing to file under “Things That Just Shouldn’t Cost $1.” Don’t expect this to protect your bike or anything else from cable cutters — or a strong pair of scissors.

Girl/Doctor Knock-Off Legos

Boys can be doctors, of course, and girls can be … girls. In long pink dresses with a slit up the front. Sigh.

Pimple-Popping Stickers

Just … no.